Sincerely Jane....

Welcome, Welcome, WELCOME!!!! My fellow bloggers, readers, critics, enemies, friends, foes, relatives, etc.! From now on, I am committed to coming on here and letting out the random things that go on in my mind. I have SSSSOOOOO much that I want to share with the people I know and the rest of the world, yet I don't make enough time to do that. I'm not gonna wait til New Year's to put it as a resolution, but I'm gonna make it one of my main priorities to update my blog on a regular (if not DAILY) basis. I am so excited and can't wait to express myself and share my life and my story with the world! But yet and still I have something that is very important to me that I would like to discuss....



As you may have (or may have not) noticed, the title of this post is Sincerely Jane. I named it that due to a song of the same title by one of my favorite artists --- the lovely, Ms. Janelle Monae. I looked up the lyrics to this song and it grabbed my attention very quickly! The song speaks about things that a lot of the youth deal with, but MOST IMPORTANTLY, what goes on in the black community. On one part of the song she says:

"I've seen them shootin up funerals in they Sunday
clothes
Spending money on spinners but won't pay college
loans
And all you gangers & bangers rollin dice &
taking lives in a smokey dark
Lord, have mercy on you
Teacher, teacher please reach those girls in them
videos
The little girls just broken Queens, confusing
bling for soul
Danger, there's danger when you take your clothes
off
All your dreams go down the drain,
girl...."

That part of the song speaks to me LOUD & CLEAR!!!! I've seen guys put money towards their clothes and their cars, and just about anything that has to do with their appearance. But you hardly ever see them using it to get an apartment, or pay for school, or whatever else they could put it towards to help establish themselves the right way in life. And as far as the whole thing goes about the females, I see so many "MODELS" that feel their only successful if they have a music video on their resume. They want to live the "faboulous life" and have the latest "bling" and drive fancy cars, with their hair down their back, colored, contacts, fake lashes, and FAKE T&A!!! Because, see, according to THEM (society) that it what makes a black girl beautiful. If she has men lusting after her because she's half-naked with too-little clothes on, then she's beautiful. She feels that she's wanted. She feels that she's loved. But they can have men longing for them the right way if they would just respect themselves, respect their body, and know that they're more than the numbers 36-27-42. They're "Broken Queens" who just need to be repaired. And that mending of their broken spirits can only come from God & the love within.

"The way we live, the way we die
What a tragedy, I'm so terrified
Day dreamers, please wake up, we can't sleep no more...."

It's time to wake up, people! We must do what is needed of us in order to make a better life for ourselves, our chidren, and their children! And this doesn't just go for the black community! This goes for ALL RACES!!! Once again, WAKE UP, PEOPLE! We can't sleep no more....



Peace & luv,
Youneaq

*smooches*

His SOON to be....

So IS there a such thing as finding your soul mate or love at first sight? I mean, I know some mistake lust for love, but what about when you just find that person that you just click with? You know, when everything's just all good and all you want to do is be around them and never leave? Well, that's what I felt the other night. I recently got back in touch with an old crush of mine from high school and every since the last time I saw him, I've been on this high and I just don't want to come down....



Now before you judge me and say that I can't possibly have any feelings for him ---- just hear me out. So the other day, I was on FaceBook and I saw something about him on my home page. So me, being the nice person I am, I decided to send him a message and ask him how he had been. He responded and things just went from there. We ended up spending time together that next night and we spent two hours in his car just hugged up, talking about anything that came to our minds. And he came over yesterday and we spent (basically) all day together, and right now I'm waiting for him to come over. But he tells me everything I want to hear, but at the same time, I can tell that it's sincere and from the heart. I don't know how, but I just feel it, you know?

Hopefully, I'm not getting ahead of myself, but at the same time, I will enjoy the time that I spend with him for now, and a relationship with him (if that comes into place) as long as it lasts. I will not hold back any feelings because the little that I am holding back now just feel like the next time I'm around him, I'll just burst!

Aaaaahhhhhh....the sweet beginning stages of love!
Wish me luck!



*Kisses & Warm wishes*
Youneaq
;)

New day, New do, New Me....

So this past week has been a learning experience for me. My folks went out of town on a cruise and I (basically) had the house to myself. It was relaxing a few times due to the fact that I mostly lounged around on my off days, but it was a bit stressful due to me having to watch Abby. I'm not used to it since I'm at work most of the time, and when she's not home, she's at daycare. Yet, some things happened to where she had to be at home with me that week. I'm not going to say that it was hard, due to her not really being used to be, but it most definitely was a bit CHALLENGING. But nevertheless, everything was still pretty good and I had a lot of time to think about a lot of things going on in my life.


Now....there have been some things I have been dealing with for a while with a certain person pertaining to my love life. And I know that some of you reading this may be like, "What?!? You're only 21, YOU DON'T HAVE a love life!" But ---- I do. I feel like you don't have to be an adult to experience love. Maybe to think logically on certain things and be able to decipher certain situations, but not to just EXPERIENCE it. But this person I've been involved with for over a year now, we've just been having so many issues and problems for A WHILE. And I know some of you are probably thinking, "If you're having so many issues, why not just leave them alone?" But it's not that simple when you really love someone and want things to work no matter how much you may make them mad, or vice versa. When you really care about someone, you're willing to look past all the bull and find the good in them. Which is what we BOTH were doing. But yet and still, lately (to me), it just kinda seems like it's over. And I mean, REALLY over. And you know what? That's the part that REALLY hurts me. Nothing else. Just that.


Then on top of that, I'm STILL not financially stable to take care of me and my daughter. It's mainly because of poor money management, but also because of the fact that I don't make that much money to cover all the expenses that I have to take care of. If it wasn't for God blessing me with my mom and grandmother to help me out, I don't know what I would do. Her dad doesn't do anything, and I feel like I don't do enough, so it gets extremely FRUSTRATING when I'm not able to do for her like a mother should.


So I decided that I am going to do whatever I need to do in order to show her my love for her and to be able to provide for her, as well as spend more time with her. And as far as my love life goes, I'm just gonna let that flow and see where the river goes because of the simple fact that if someone is meant to be in your life, they'll be there, whether you want them to, or they want to, or not. If it's God's will, then it WILL be. And it's just as simple as that. My goals right now should be me doing what I need to do to be a better mother for my child and finding out who I am and what I want out of life. I need to take this time away from him as time to get to know myself better because whether we get back together or not, I need to be ok with myself and who I am inside. That's the most important thing.

"I'm living my life and trying new things

It's a new day, a new do,

And a definitely NEW ME...."

Final Destination

Okay. So today I had to take my mom to the hospital to see the doctor about her foot. So after everything was done, we were on our way back home, and: WE ALMOST GOT HIT BY A CAR!!! The way the whole thing happened was, we were in the two-lane section of it, and then this other car and a cop were getting on the interstate. So this car on the side of me, I guess she freaked out seeing the cop, and proceeded to get over RIGHT THEN and almost hit me, my mom, AND my daughter! I was so scared because even though me and my mom were in the car, all I could think about was my daughter!

Then while I was on my way to take my (future) boo's house to take him to work, I almost got in TWO MORE accidents! Then on the way back home I almost got hit two more times! And this all happened while I was driving civilized! I just didn't get it. I REALLY felt like the devil was out to get me and I really felt like I should've been in Final Destination! I'm just glad that I'm ok and that everyone else is as well....

Mr. Jay Hew

Okay, so this poem is copyrighted, so DON'T try to steal it or plagiarize it! But this poem is about someone I went to to school with. Yes, I know that putting it on here means that he's able to read it, but I don't care anymore. I'm trying to move on with my life and let him go, so this is one of my ways of doing it. So, here goes! Tell me if you like it....

Mr. Jay-Hew

He appeared right before my eyes

Yet to me, he went unnoticed

There was nothing intriguing about him

Not one thing he possessed made me wonder, "Who is he?"

Almost all the girls wanted him, they longed to be by his side

They wanted to be able to look at him and tell their friends, "I know him," or "We hang out," if not, "He's mine"

But when it came down to me, I didn't care about who he was or where he came from

Because in my eyes, he was just another guy

Not this guy from San Diego, or wherever he was from, who plays ball for the school's basketball team

Just an average guy

But Satan has his way of bringing you into contact with things that are no good for you

For our paths crossed at the wrong place, and most definitely at the wrong time

Sure, back then, it seemed right cuz I was naive

He came off as this nice, sweet, charming, and caring guy

He had an amazing sense of humor and he listened to what I had to say

If it were any other guy, I would have picked up on his game easily

But I let my guard down too early and let him in a little bit too quickly

Trying to find out about who he was and what he was about after, instead of before, I let him have a piece, well really -- the best, if not all, of me

It lasted for a minute, but of course, it wasn't meant to last

He quickly moved on, but a part of me was still stuck in our past

He had finally come clean about a love back home

And I had to let him go so my feelings that I had for him wouldn't grow anymore than they had already grown

So I removed myself from his life

And kept myself busy so I wouldn't be tempted to call

I would see him around, and sometimes I still do

But I promised myself to NEVER, EVER again --- fall for another Mr. Jay Hew....

-March 3, 2008 ~ 4:04 pm

Much luv,
Youneaq
*SMOOCHES*

Wal*Mart?!?

Can you guys believe this???



Comment, PLEASE....

Friend or Foe? Forgive or No?

So here’s the deal: I have been dealing with a “friend” of mine that I don’t feel was really a “friend” in the first place. When we first crossed paths, it was through people at school, and also one of her relatives. So, like I normally do since I am SUCH a friendly person, I tried to establish a bond and friendship with her because I felt that we would be good friends.

BOY, was I wrong! Things started out cool in the beginning, but then she started acting funny with me. You see, I have this guy friend who, because of her, I USED to be close with. Me and him were extremely close and tight knit, but we were JUST FRIENDS. Yet she told one of her family members that I called him a lot (like I always did) and that I wanted to be with him. I was like, “WHAT?!? Really?!?” I was so upset with her because my whole thing was, he didn’t have too much of an issue with it because he knows I like to talk. So that means that it really didn’t phase him until she said something about it. But the other thing is, we had been cool for like 2 ½ years before she met him, so what was she tripping for? And if it bothered her that much, why didn’t she say something to me instead of running off telling everyone else about it and how she felt???

And what makes it so crazy is, the night she met him, he had met up with me, her, another girl, and this girl I know that he was trying to get to know at the time. So we’re at the club having a good time and all, and while he’s dancing with the girl he knew that was with us, she got jealous!!! And I was thinking, “Ok….if I’m not mistaken, which I don’t think I am, she HAS a boyfriend, so WHY is she worried about my homeboy and what he‘s doing with someone he knew before he met her?” I just thought it was stupid, childish, and crazy ALL at the same time. Then I ended up just trying to forgive about the situation, like I’m supposed to, and move on….

So we were good for a few months, and she even ended up getting in another relationship towards the end of last year. So for some reason, her and her boyfriend decided to try and hook me up with his cousin. Now for all my TRUE friends, they know I hate that because I’m all about letting things like that happen naturally because when you try to push it into happening, it does nothing but blow up in your face. So I was hesitant, but I did start conversing with him. So like any other couple that hooks people up, they were asking us how things were going between us and everybody got along well and great.

But THEN comes the first screw-up: I get a text message from her asking me if anyone had claimed my daughter yet on their taxes. Now I knew that my grandmother had, but out of curiosity, I lied and said no. So when I asked her why, instead of answering me, she sends me a text right after my reply asking me if I claimed any money for a job from the previous year. So again I told her no, and when I asked her why she wanted to know, she tells me because her boyfriend was looking for something to claim on his taxes.

Dude….SERIOUSLY?!? And I remember sitting there just thinking, “She did NOT just ask me that for him!!!” Then there was this thing that me and the guy were trying to do on V-Day, but there were transportation issues. So the plan was that I was gonna go to my school to meet up with him so we could go to the play there that I had bought tickets for. But here’s the thing: her boyfriend lied to my guy friend and said that they weren’t going. But then he came out and told the truth that they were, but they wanted to be alone. YET, and still, they went on a double-date that night! I just couldn’t believe it. Then her boyfriend was telling him a few days after that, “I heard ya girl was down there wildin out.” REALLY?!? Cuz I don’t remember doing any “wild” things. The only thing I did was hang out with my friends.

But, all in all, I’m supposed to forgive, forget, and let go. It hasn’t happened yet, but I’m (still) working on it….