So this past week has been a learning experience for me. My folks went out of town on a cruise and I (basically) had the house to myself. It was relaxing a few times due to the fact that I mostly lounged around on my off days, but it was a bit stressful due to me having to watch Abby. I'm not used to it since I'm at work most of the time, and when she's not home, she's at daycare. Yet, some things happened to where she had to be at home with me that week. I'm not going to say that it was hard, due to her not really being used to be, but it most definitely was a bit CHALLENGING. But nevertheless, everything was still pretty good and I had a lot of time to think about a lot of things going on in my life.
Now....there have been some things I have been dealing with for a while with a certain person pertaining to my love life. And I know that some of you reading this may be like, "What?!? You're only 21, YOU DON'T HAVE a love life!" But ---- I do. I feel like you don't have to be an adult to experience love. Maybe to think logically on certain things and be able to decipher certain situations, but not to just EXPERIENCE it. But this person I've been involved with for over a year now, we've just been having so many issues and problems for A WHILE. And I know some of you are probably thinking, "If you're having so many issues, why not just leave them alone?" But it's not that simple when you really love someone and want things to work no matter how much you may make them mad, or vice versa. When you really care about someone, you're willing to look past all the bull and find the good in them. Which is what we BOTH were doing. But yet and still, lately (to me), it just kinda seems like it's over. And I mean, REALLY over. And you know what? That's the part that REALLY hurts me. Nothing else. Just that.
Then on top of that, I'm STILL not financially stable to take care of me and my daughter. It's mainly because of poor money management, but also because of the fact that I don't make that much money to cover all the expenses that I have to take care of. If it wasn't for God blessing me with my mom and grandmother to help me out, I don't know what I would do. Her dad doesn't do anything, and I feel like I don't do enough, so it gets extremely FRUSTRATING when I'm not able to do for her like a mother should.
So I decided that I am going to do whatever I need to do in order to show her my love for her and to be able to provide for her, as well as spend more time with her. And as far as my love life goes, I'm just gonna let that flow and see where the river goes because of the simple fact that if someone is meant to be in your life, they'll be there, whether you want them to, or they want to, or not. If it's God's will, then it WILL be. And it's just as simple as that. My goals right now should be me doing what I need to do to be a better mother for my child and finding out who I am and what I want out of life. I need to take this time away from him as time to get to know myself better because whether we get back together or not, I need to be ok with myself and who I am inside. That's the most important thing.
Now....there have been some things I have been dealing with for a while with a certain person pertaining to my love life. And I know that some of you reading this may be like, "What?!? You're only 21, YOU DON'T HAVE a love life!" But ---- I do. I feel like you don't have to be an adult to experience love. Maybe to think logically on certain things and be able to decipher certain situations, but not to just EXPERIENCE it. But this person I've been involved with for over a year now, we've just been having so many issues and problems for A WHILE. And I know some of you are probably thinking, "If you're having so many issues, why not just leave them alone?" But it's not that simple when you really love someone and want things to work no matter how much you may make them mad, or vice versa. When you really care about someone, you're willing to look past all the bull and find the good in them. Which is what we BOTH were doing. But yet and still, lately (to me), it just kinda seems like it's over. And I mean, REALLY over. And you know what? That's the part that REALLY hurts me. Nothing else. Just that.
Then on top of that, I'm STILL not financially stable to take care of me and my daughter. It's mainly because of poor money management, but also because of the fact that I don't make that much money to cover all the expenses that I have to take care of. If it wasn't for God blessing me with my mom and grandmother to help me out, I don't know what I would do. Her dad doesn't do anything, and I feel like I don't do enough, so it gets extremely FRUSTRATING when I'm not able to do for her like a mother should.
So I decided that I am going to do whatever I need to do in order to show her my love for her and to be able to provide for her, as well as spend more time with her. And as far as my love life goes, I'm just gonna let that flow and see where the river goes because of the simple fact that if someone is meant to be in your life, they'll be there, whether you want them to, or they want to, or not. If it's God's will, then it WILL be. And it's just as simple as that. My goals right now should be me doing what I need to do to be a better mother for my child and finding out who I am and what I want out of life. I need to take this time away from him as time to get to know myself better because whether we get back together or not, I need to be ok with myself and who I am inside. That's the most important thing.
"I'm living my life and trying new things
It's a new day, a new do,
And a definitely NEW ME...."
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