Motivation

As long as I can remember, I have felt like an outcast. I used to be one of the most loved children in my family, but then I got older and started making mistakes. When that started happening, I was labeled as being "fast" and "chasing after boys". I grew up around my male cousins, so (for a while) I was a tomboy. My folks started having an issue with it because they felt that I wasn't supposed to climb trees, or play in dirt, or do anything "too rough" that may cause me to hurt myself.

Yet when I started becoming more feminine and taking an interest in guys, EVERYONE started getting on my case about how I needed to stop "being fast and chasing after boys before [I] ended up pregnant". I felt confused because it seemed like I couldn't do anything right. And it still feels like that to this day. Here I am, pregnant and not married, and staying with my mother and grandmother. I don't have my own car (due to financial reasons) and the car we have is just (BASICALLY) a wreck. And it's kinda crazy with three people sharing one car. We had a better working car, but then I wrecked it by falling asleep behind the wheel and now it looks like this:

Of course, it's not drivable, so we're stuck with a two-door '97 Honda Civic. The winshield is cracked in multiple places, the two windows that we do have are off track, so they're always coming down and we have to pull them back up. There is no side mirror on the driver's side, the tint that someone had put on it before we got it is all bubbled up on the window in the back and it's very difficult to see. Not to mention, our car broke down late October/early November while we were at the mall. We got back in the car and it just wouldn't crank up. We got it fixed, yet my mom hasn't been able to get a tune up yet, so we've been dealing with it pulling and dragging and stopping on us from time to time. My family has blamed me for this because of me messing up the other by saying, "You shouldn't have been out that late anyway. You don't like to do nothing but disrespect and hurt yo momma. You don't appreciate her at all...."

Yet despite all of their negativity and judgement, my mom has done nothing but love me. Even when I ended up pregnant, she didn't go off on me and threaten to put me out the house. She was a little disappointed, but she did what a mother is supposed to do and embraced me. Everyone is always telling her what she needs to do to "set [me] straight", but she does what she feels needs to be done. I have to admit, I have taken her for granted sometimes, but it's nothing I do purposely. I love her and I don't know what I would do without her in my life. And that's exactly why I've been trying to get a job since I was legally able to work so that I could help her out so we won't have to struggle so much.

It hurts me to see my mother dealing with so much and me not being able to help her. And it also hurts me to see that (most of) my family thinks that I'll be a nobody and end up doing nothing with my life. Yet all of their negativity is nothing but motivation for me. It has been motivation for me as long as I can remember, but since I don't want my daughter being raised around all this negativitiy and hatred, the motivation is even STRONGER.

There were times that I just felt like giving up and throwing in the towel. But with my faith in God and me knowing that "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen", I know that I will come out on top of this. There is nothing in my life that I've went through that He hasn't brought me out of. So I say to all the peeps reading this that may be going through something that you feel is so horrible and you feel that you can't take it anymore, just remember: Even though things may seem like they're headed for the worse, with PRAYER & PERSISTANCE, you can and will make it through!


Peace, Blessings, & Much luv,
Youneaq
*SMOOCHES*