Ave Maria

"You are my heaven on Earth

You are my last, my first

And then I hear this voice inside

Ave Maria...."

-Beyonce, "Ave Maria"

On December 23, 2008 at 9:03 pm, the most wonderful thing happened to me. I gave birth to a beautiful human being by the name of Abrielle Destinee Guy. She weighed in at 7lbs, 15 oz. and measured 20 3/4 inches. After she was born, she was placed in my arms and I could nothing but cry. It was one of most beautiful experiences I could have ever went through.

When she opened her eyes to look into mine, I was overwhelmed with this rush of emotions that I had never felt before. I was so wrapped up in her that I hardly paid attention to anything else. This was my child. My babygirl. No one else's, but mines. The feeling was surreal and extremely emotional for me that I held her so close to me and I didn't want to let go....

I was so excited to finally meet this person that had been growing inside me and shower her with all my love. This is what I had been preparing my mind, body, and soul for all those months, and the time had finally come. I left all my baggage from my past behind that night and started anew. My journey had come to an end and it had finally hit me that I had someone else to take care of and I had to start taking responsibility for ALL of my actions.

Even though I regretted being pregnant at first, and I felt so ashamed and disappointed in myself, I thank God for blessing me with this wonderful gift. Her eyes, her smile, her hands, her feet, her arms, her legs, and everything else about her brings me joy everytime I look at her. I used to feel that I wasn't going to be able to take care of her at times, but she has become my determination and drive to do all within my willpower to give her the world and more....

"I understand your language, your baby talk
You forgot to crawl, before you walked
There you are just looking so beautiful
And all the while
You're wrapped in blankets
You are my love child....

Thanks for my child
I'm really thanking you, the man above
Thanks for my child
You brought me so much joy, this bundle of love
Thanks for my child
And though you daddy, he ran away free
The love I have for you, baby
Is the love I have in me...."

-Cheryl 'Pepsii' Riley, "Thanks for My Child"

Mucous Plug

Now everyone isn't as educated about pregnancy, so I'm going to explain my title.

"Loss of the mucous plug: As the cervix begins to thin and open, the "cork" of mucous that selas the opening of the uterus becomes dislodged. This gelatinous chunk of mucus can be passed through the vagina hours, days, a week, or two weeks before the first real contractions, or just as labor begins."

-What to Expect When You're Expecting

Today, that happened to me. It was about 4:30 and I noticed when I went to the bathroom that something was coming out that looked like -- in so many words -- snot.

I was (sort of) freaking out because I figured that I would go into labor a few hours after that, yet I haven't. But I'm still gonna get my stuff packed. I know.... I should've done that already. But I did pack her stuff, though. So now I'm just sitting here. Patiently waiting....


Other than that, I have been cleaning up most of the day. I've mostly been getting rid of things I haven't used and things I won't be using. It's just crazy, though. I mean, I'm about to be a mother!


Gosh....

Life from now on will definitely be more interesting....



Later guys,
Youneaq
*SMOOCHES*

Dear Jayne & YouTube

My day has been made! I FINALLY found out who made this song that I love called "Rain". It's by this group named Dear Jayne and I am ssssooooo excited that I found out who it was! It is DEFINITELY going up on my MySpace when I change my layout again (which will be soon). Check it out: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3O5Mbmmwf8


Oh, and today, I recorded my first YouTube vid! It's nothing fancy like I wanted, though. I'm looking a hot mess with my hair wrapped and in my pjs (even though you can't see em on the vid). Plus, my house is looking like a catastrophe on the vid AND right now! But then again, I did make a promise that the vids would be a glimpse into my everyday life, and not just me at my best.

I'm kinda interested in seeing how things will turn out and what you guys reactions will be. This should be fun....

Well, I have other things I'm doing at the moment, so I must cut this short! But please, PLEASE, PLEASE go to the bottom of my blog and click on one of my vids so you can go to & subscribe to my YouTube channel, guys! It would be greatly appreciated!




Luv, Peace, & Hairgrease,
Youneaq
*SMOOCHES*

Preparation

Today makes Week 38 of my (supposedly) 40 week pregnancy. I am getting very anxious as each day passes. And today, I looked at my stomach and realized it was COMPLETELY different from what it was yesterday. Yesterday, it wasn't as high as it used to be, but now, it has dropped tremendously. I have been trying to prepare my mind for what's to come, but I still have TONS of work to do. I would say I'm okay physically because I haven't allowed myself to get too tired or worn out. Plus, I have been walking A LOT and resting when I do feel tired.

But it takes more than getting prepared physically to have a child. You also have to prepare your heart and mind, especially ME since I plan on giving birth naturally. Yet whether you do it naturally or not, it still takes a lot of determination and focus. You have to be in your right state of mind in order to bring a child into the world, regardless of how you do it....

Well, that's all for now. Gotta finish cleaning up so I can take my "spa soak" tonight. I'm gonna soak, and do my feet, and just relax and release. I already did my hair (yesterday), so that's taken care of and already out of the way.

So let me go and finish folding up these baby clothes and MY clothes so everything can be nice and neat and I can just be lazy all day long tomorrow....

Til later tonight (hopefully),

Youneaq

*SMOOCHES*

Motivation

As long as I can remember, I have felt like an outcast. I used to be one of the most loved children in my family, but then I got older and started making mistakes. When that started happening, I was labeled as being "fast" and "chasing after boys". I grew up around my male cousins, so (for a while) I was a tomboy. My folks started having an issue with it because they felt that I wasn't supposed to climb trees, or play in dirt, or do anything "too rough" that may cause me to hurt myself.

Yet when I started becoming more feminine and taking an interest in guys, EVERYONE started getting on my case about how I needed to stop "being fast and chasing after boys before [I] ended up pregnant". I felt confused because it seemed like I couldn't do anything right. And it still feels like that to this day. Here I am, pregnant and not married, and staying with my mother and grandmother. I don't have my own car (due to financial reasons) and the car we have is just (BASICALLY) a wreck. And it's kinda crazy with three people sharing one car. We had a better working car, but then I wrecked it by falling asleep behind the wheel and now it looks like this:

Of course, it's not drivable, so we're stuck with a two-door '97 Honda Civic. The winshield is cracked in multiple places, the two windows that we do have are off track, so they're always coming down and we have to pull them back up. There is no side mirror on the driver's side, the tint that someone had put on it before we got it is all bubbled up on the window in the back and it's very difficult to see. Not to mention, our car broke down late October/early November while we were at the mall. We got back in the car and it just wouldn't crank up. We got it fixed, yet my mom hasn't been able to get a tune up yet, so we've been dealing with it pulling and dragging and stopping on us from time to time. My family has blamed me for this because of me messing up the other by saying, "You shouldn't have been out that late anyway. You don't like to do nothing but disrespect and hurt yo momma. You don't appreciate her at all...."

Yet despite all of their negativity and judgement, my mom has done nothing but love me. Even when I ended up pregnant, she didn't go off on me and threaten to put me out the house. She was a little disappointed, but she did what a mother is supposed to do and embraced me. Everyone is always telling her what she needs to do to "set [me] straight", but she does what she feels needs to be done. I have to admit, I have taken her for granted sometimes, but it's nothing I do purposely. I love her and I don't know what I would do without her in my life. And that's exactly why I've been trying to get a job since I was legally able to work so that I could help her out so we won't have to struggle so much.

It hurts me to see my mother dealing with so much and me not being able to help her. And it also hurts me to see that (most of) my family thinks that I'll be a nobody and end up doing nothing with my life. Yet all of their negativity is nothing but motivation for me. It has been motivation for me as long as I can remember, but since I don't want my daughter being raised around all this negativitiy and hatred, the motivation is even STRONGER.

There were times that I just felt like giving up and throwing in the towel. But with my faith in God and me knowing that "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen", I know that I will come out on top of this. There is nothing in my life that I've went through that He hasn't brought me out of. So I say to all the peeps reading this that may be going through something that you feel is so horrible and you feel that you can't take it anymore, just remember: Even though things may seem like they're headed for the worse, with PRAYER & PERSISTANCE, you can and will make it through!


Peace, Blessings, & Much luv,
Youneaq
*SMOOCHES*

37 WEEKS....

OMG! It's week 37 of my pregnancy and I couldn't be more ready! I have experienced SSSSOOOOO much during this pregnancy and it has really changed my perspective on life. I have had good times such as feeling the baby move, finding out the sex of the baby (it's a GIRL!), and watching my belly grow. Despite the fact that I now look like I have a basketball with stretchmarks for a stomach, I still love it and couldn't be happier. Yet there were also some bad times such as the sickness in the first few months, the shortness of breath, the heartburn, the back pains, and the issues I had with the father and him not wanting to be a part of her life.

Yet all is well now and I am VERY MUCH looking forward to her big day. Last Monday when I went to the doctor, he told me that she was head down -- so she's getting ready! I got another appointment tomorrow morning and HOPEFULLY I have dilated a bit, so that I will feel a little less anxious about when my body will start getting ready.

Well, it's that time for me to go. Yet I want to say to all my wonderful friends and (some) family: Thank you for all your love and support! It is greatly appreciated....

With love,
Youneaq
*SMOOCHES*