Sincerely Jane....

Welcome, Welcome, WELCOME!!!! My fellow bloggers, readers, critics, enemies, friends, foes, relatives, etc.! From now on, I am committed to coming on here and letting out the random things that go on in my mind. I have SSSSOOOOO much that I want to share with the people I know and the rest of the world, yet I don't make enough time to do that. I'm not gonna wait til New Year's to put it as a resolution, but I'm gonna make it one of my main priorities to update my blog on a regular (if not DAILY) basis. I am so excited and can't wait to express myself and share my life and my story with the world! But yet and still I have something that is very important to me that I would like to discuss....



As you may have (or may have not) noticed, the title of this post is Sincerely Jane. I named it that due to a song of the same title by one of my favorite artists --- the lovely, Ms. Janelle Monae. I looked up the lyrics to this song and it grabbed my attention very quickly! The song speaks about things that a lot of the youth deal with, but MOST IMPORTANTLY, what goes on in the black community. On one part of the song she says:

"I've seen them shootin up funerals in they Sunday
clothes
Spending money on spinners but won't pay college
loans
And all you gangers & bangers rollin dice &
taking lives in a smokey dark
Lord, have mercy on you
Teacher, teacher please reach those girls in them
videos
The little girls just broken Queens, confusing
bling for soul
Danger, there's danger when you take your clothes
off
All your dreams go down the drain,
girl...."

That part of the song speaks to me LOUD & CLEAR!!!! I've seen guys put money towards their clothes and their cars, and just about anything that has to do with their appearance. But you hardly ever see them using it to get an apartment, or pay for school, or whatever else they could put it towards to help establish themselves the right way in life. And as far as the whole thing goes about the females, I see so many "MODELS" that feel their only successful if they have a music video on their resume. They want to live the "faboulous life" and have the latest "bling" and drive fancy cars, with their hair down their back, colored, contacts, fake lashes, and FAKE T&A!!! Because, see, according to THEM (society) that it what makes a black girl beautiful. If she has men lusting after her because she's half-naked with too-little clothes on, then she's beautiful. She feels that she's wanted. She feels that she's loved. But they can have men longing for them the right way if they would just respect themselves, respect their body, and know that they're more than the numbers 36-27-42. They're "Broken Queens" who just need to be repaired. And that mending of their broken spirits can only come from God & the love within.

"The way we live, the way we die
What a tragedy, I'm so terrified
Day dreamers, please wake up, we can't sleep no more...."

It's time to wake up, people! We must do what is needed of us in order to make a better life for ourselves, our chidren, and their children! And this doesn't just go for the black community! This goes for ALL RACES!!! Once again, WAKE UP, PEOPLE! We can't sleep no more....



Peace & luv,
Youneaq

*smooches*

His SOON to be....

So IS there a such thing as finding your soul mate or love at first sight? I mean, I know some mistake lust for love, but what about when you just find that person that you just click with? You know, when everything's just all good and all you want to do is be around them and never leave? Well, that's what I felt the other night. I recently got back in touch with an old crush of mine from high school and every since the last time I saw him, I've been on this high and I just don't want to come down....



Now before you judge me and say that I can't possibly have any feelings for him ---- just hear me out. So the other day, I was on FaceBook and I saw something about him on my home page. So me, being the nice person I am, I decided to send him a message and ask him how he had been. He responded and things just went from there. We ended up spending time together that next night and we spent two hours in his car just hugged up, talking about anything that came to our minds. And he came over yesterday and we spent (basically) all day together, and right now I'm waiting for him to come over. But he tells me everything I want to hear, but at the same time, I can tell that it's sincere and from the heart. I don't know how, but I just feel it, you know?

Hopefully, I'm not getting ahead of myself, but at the same time, I will enjoy the time that I spend with him for now, and a relationship with him (if that comes into place) as long as it lasts. I will not hold back any feelings because the little that I am holding back now just feel like the next time I'm around him, I'll just burst!

Aaaaahhhhhh....the sweet beginning stages of love!
Wish me luck!



*Kisses & Warm wishes*
Youneaq
;)

New day, New do, New Me....

So this past week has been a learning experience for me. My folks went out of town on a cruise and I (basically) had the house to myself. It was relaxing a few times due to the fact that I mostly lounged around on my off days, but it was a bit stressful due to me having to watch Abby. I'm not used to it since I'm at work most of the time, and when she's not home, she's at daycare. Yet, some things happened to where she had to be at home with me that week. I'm not going to say that it was hard, due to her not really being used to be, but it most definitely was a bit CHALLENGING. But nevertheless, everything was still pretty good and I had a lot of time to think about a lot of things going on in my life.


Now....there have been some things I have been dealing with for a while with a certain person pertaining to my love life. And I know that some of you reading this may be like, "What?!? You're only 21, YOU DON'T HAVE a love life!" But ---- I do. I feel like you don't have to be an adult to experience love. Maybe to think logically on certain things and be able to decipher certain situations, but not to just EXPERIENCE it. But this person I've been involved with for over a year now, we've just been having so many issues and problems for A WHILE. And I know some of you are probably thinking, "If you're having so many issues, why not just leave them alone?" But it's not that simple when you really love someone and want things to work no matter how much you may make them mad, or vice versa. When you really care about someone, you're willing to look past all the bull and find the good in them. Which is what we BOTH were doing. But yet and still, lately (to me), it just kinda seems like it's over. And I mean, REALLY over. And you know what? That's the part that REALLY hurts me. Nothing else. Just that.


Then on top of that, I'm STILL not financially stable to take care of me and my daughter. It's mainly because of poor money management, but also because of the fact that I don't make that much money to cover all the expenses that I have to take care of. If it wasn't for God blessing me with my mom and grandmother to help me out, I don't know what I would do. Her dad doesn't do anything, and I feel like I don't do enough, so it gets extremely FRUSTRATING when I'm not able to do for her like a mother should.


So I decided that I am going to do whatever I need to do in order to show her my love for her and to be able to provide for her, as well as spend more time with her. And as far as my love life goes, I'm just gonna let that flow and see where the river goes because of the simple fact that if someone is meant to be in your life, they'll be there, whether you want them to, or they want to, or not. If it's God's will, then it WILL be. And it's just as simple as that. My goals right now should be me doing what I need to do to be a better mother for my child and finding out who I am and what I want out of life. I need to take this time away from him as time to get to know myself better because whether we get back together or not, I need to be ok with myself and who I am inside. That's the most important thing.

"I'm living my life and trying new things

It's a new day, a new do,

And a definitely NEW ME...."